


Only Choice

by embracedthevoid



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: A little bit of Emori and Murphy, AU, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bellarke, F/M, Monty and Harper ore obvi together and being cute, Post-Season/Series 04, Post-The 100 (TV) Season 04, Rating earned in later chapters, Slow Burn, The 100 - Freeform, bellamy and clarke - Freeform, softcore so don't expect too much
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-01
Updated: 2020-06-27
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:34:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,868
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24486721
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/embracedthevoid/pseuds/embracedthevoid
Summary: What would have happened if Clarke made it in time to live on the Ring with the rest of the crew? For five years they have to survive in space with little supplies and everything going wrong. Tensions rise as relationships form and bonds are made in unexpected places. Bellamy struggles to deal with the idea he was ready to leave Clarke behind, and Clarke learns what it means to be happy again, without fearing for her life, or so she thinks. Can they survive five years with endless complications and impossible decisions?
Relationships: Bellamy Blake & Clarke Griffin, Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin, Emori & John Murphy (The 100), Emori/John Murphy (The 100)
Comments: 22
Kudos: 211





	1. Breathe

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! So this is my first Bellarke fic and I'm very excited! I don't have a beta so please bear with me in terms of grammar as it has never been a strong ability of mine. I plan to do weekly updates on this story after I get a chance to write a couple of chapters ahead. I'm mostly posting chapter one now to get a feel if people are actually interested in this kind of story! Let me know what you think and I'll continue writing!

Bellamy’s eyes flicker between the door and the countdown. The closer it gets to zero the tighter his chest aches and grips at his heart. His shoulders stiffen and his next breath feels impossible as realization dawns on him. _Clarke’s still not back._ The timer finally flashes zeros across the screen and warning alarms ping through the building. They’re taunting him, reminding him how little time they have left.

“Come on Clarke.” Bellamy quietly pleads.

Would she just burst through that damn door already? Maybe they could laugh about how she was late like always once they make it on the Ring, but right now it’s serious. For the first time, Bellamy isn’t sure that she is going to make it.

“Bellamy.” He hears Raven gently call his name.

They need to leave.

Bellamy turns back to look at his friend, the hurt in her eyes nowhere near the desperation echoing in his voice, “I know Raven.” He shakes his head feeling helpless. _There’s no way in hell he’s leaving without her_.

“The radiation is already effecting the avionics.” Raven’s voice is forced, more cut and dry. It’s her way of telling Bellamy they need to leave, and soon, or else they aren’t going anywhere at all. “It’s now or never.” Raven’s final warning.

If they want to live, they need to leave Clarke behind.

Bellamy’s eyes frantically search for her. There’s a physical pain in his chest that tears through him. A feeling he’s come to know well but one he’ll never get used too. Not when it’s Clarke. It should never be Clarke. _Can he do this? Can he sacrifice her life for the life of his friends?_ Bellamy glances back at Raven once more. She’s scared, she won’t admit it, but she is. She’s afraid Bellamy will choose to stay. Like some sort of death wish.

He has to make a choice.

Clarkes life, or the lives of their friends.

Taking a deep breath Bellamy thinks back on what Clarke said when they’d first come up with this stupid plan. He was so close to not letting her start the conversation, he almost didn’t even listen to her he thought she was being so dramatic. But she was convinced she was going to die today, so he listened, despite that Bellamy refused to believe it. He _couldn’t_ believe it. The conversation seemed ridiculous at the time, but now– Bellamy takes another deep breath, his jaw tightening.

He thinks about Clarke and all the impossible decisions they’ve made. The ones she made without him, and the ones they made together. If they don’t live today all the sacrifices and lives lost will have been for nothing. It’s like he can hear her voice echoing in his mind. Clarke would want them to go. She would tell them to go. To leave her behind.

Bellamy blocks out the part of him that desperately wants to wait for her, and instead, listens to the voice in his head. Clarke’s voice.

_He needs to save his people._

Bellamy turns on his heel toward the rocket ship. He feels a piece of his heart left behind where he stood. He looks back one more time, hoping Clarke will come bounding down the stairs just in time.

But she doesn’t.

Head hung low he begins to climb the ladder. Every step grips his heart tighter, suffocating him.

Then he hears her.

“WAIT!”

“Clarke.” Bellamy gasps before turning his head, feeling like his prayers have been answered. He spots her rushing down the stairs. She’s running, and fast. Bellamy’s chest unravels at the sight of her. The piece of his heart he left behind coming back to him. When she reaches him Bellamy frantically grabs her hand, practically hulling her into the spacecraft. They both buckle their seats as Raven rambles to the computer and the ground beneath them begins to shake.

The computer begins to count down “You got the power on?” Raven asks between pressing buttons. Each one making the metal canister around them groan.

Clarke gives an exhausted nod her eyes flickering to Bellamy. He hasn’t stopped looking at her since they strapped themselves into their chairs. How could he ever look away? He almost lost her. He spent the entire day thinking the idea of her being gone was ridiculous, then it almost happened. He almost _let_ it happen.

Overwhelming relief tunnels through his body and Bellamy reaches his hand back to Clarke’s grabbing hers and squeezing. He knows she doesn’t need him to hell her it’s going to be okay, but it’s a comfort to him. _She’s here. She made it._

The rocket rumbles below them jolting them all in their seats. Bellamy hears Echo gasp in his earpiece and when he looks at her, he sees genuine terror. There’s a force that ways down on Bellamy’s shoulders and it’s nothing like anything he’s experienced before. Sure, coming down to earth in a plummeting junk of metal has it’s own sensations, but never has he gone in the opposite direction. Never has he found himself climbing up the sky, in a ship that wasn’t designed for this many people. Bellamy never thought he’d be here, none of them did. Yet here they are.

Bellamy can feel his heart rate rise the higher they get. He tries to keep breathing as steadily as he can to preserve his limited oxygen. He watches Clarke, feeling calmer almost immediately. He couldn’t do this without her. This would be impossible if she wasn’t here.

Through the coms in his suit, Bellamy can hear ragged breaths. He assumes they’re coming from Echo and Emori, there’s sheer panic in their eyes as they’re rattled in their seats. He can’t begin to imagine what this might feel like to them. At least Bellamy is going into something he knows, something he’s been through before. To them, this it’s the unimaginable. Maybe it’s similar to how Bellamy felt when they landed on Earth in the dropship. It feels like a lifetime ago.

There’s a jolt shaking everyone in their seats. The computer informs them that separation from the rocket is complete. There’s a loud bang, then everything feels weightless. There’s no more rumbling, no more groaning from metal around them. Just silence.

Beside him, Bellamy can hear Raven chuckle in relief. Bellamy can’t bring himself to celebrate yet. When he looks at Clarke he can read what she’s thinking in her eyes, and they say the same thing as him. They still have a ways to go before anyone can feel safe.

“Welcome to zero-G boys and girls,” Raven says with a smile. Bellamy can’t blame her. She got this machine working with minutes to spare and limited supplies. He’s pretty sure he’d be damn excited if he was her.

Bellamy watches Raven press a green button “Computer engage navigation system, pre-set coordinates.” She orders. “Get me to the damn door and I’ll do the rest,” Raven says to herself with determination. She looks at a small viewing screen which shows the empty space that surrounds them. A shiver trails down Bellamy’s spine. He’s spent so long on the ground he almost forgot what it’s like to be surrounded by nothing but a harsh vacuum. “We should be getting our first look at the ring,” Raven informs, uneasy in her seat as they all hold their breath.

“I swear to god Clarke if you didn’t–” Murphy begins but Bellamy cuts him off.

“–shut up Murphy.” Bellamy staps, not in the mood for his half-witted remarks. He can feel Clarkes hold on his hand tighten. Bellamy almost forgot they’d been holding hands so caught up in the moment, but he’s glad they are.

There’s a simultaneous breath of relief that escapes everyone when they see the light of the ring shining off the metal. It’s hard to believe they’re going to be stuck on something so small for five years. After living on the ground where the world seems endless, they’re trapped once again. Bellamy can already feel the claustrophobia rising in his chest.

Clearing his throat Bellamy continues with the mission. They don’t have time to be sentimental. “Ready for a spacewalk?” Bellamy asks Raven, nervous for her despite the fact she looks excited.

“Always.” Raven unbuckles herself and rises in her seat floating in mid-air. Echo watches her, Bellamy can see both fear and shock behind her eyes as they follow Raven, who’s maneuvering herself to the lower level of the ship.

They all sit in silence, waiting to see Raven on the screen. After a moment she bounds toward the ring, her tether keeping her attached to the others.

“Bellamy.” Clarke gasps in his earpiece, he hadn’t noticed her hand slip from his grip. When he turns to her he can see her pointing to her oxygen band on her wrist. It reads that she has no air left. “I don’t know what happened.” She’s starting to sound quieter. Her eyes fluttering closed.

Bellamy’s heart pounds in his ears. She’s running out of oxygen. But it’s too soon. She should have more left.

“What’s going on?” Echo asks, confused at the worried looks flashed in Clarke’s direction.

“She’s running out of oxygen.” Bellamy swallows, fear creeping under his skin. He can’t lose her like this. She didn’t get on this ship just in time to die on it before they even have a chance to live.

“She should still have more time left?” Murphy questions. He reaches beside her and inspects her oxygen tank. “There’s a puncture in it. She must have been losing air this whole time.” Murphy explains sounding solemn like he’s already given up on her.

Without thinking Bellamy grabs Murphy’s extra supply of oxygen that’s strapped to his side. Bellamy ignores Murphy’s protest and begins to unclasp his own helmet– the air escaping right after he takes a large breath.

“Bella–” He hears Monty begin to warn before the air completely escapes and he’s left with nothing but silence.

Bellamy makes quick work of attaching the oxygen mask meant for the small canister of back up oxygen and attaches it to his own main supply tank. Monty quickly catches on and he removes Clarke’s helmet. Bellamy holds the mask to her mouth, her eyes flutter open. Bellamy can feel his instincts kick in willing him to suck in a breath of air, but he forces his body to relax.

Clarke glazes at Bellamy almost in a haze, then her eyes widen when she realizes Bellamy doesn’t have his helmet on. Her eyes follow the mask he has placed over her mouth and she realizes it’s attached to Bellamy’s supply. Clarke makes an irritating noise under the mask, Bellamy can practically hear her yelling through the scowl she’s giving him. She grabs the mouthpiece placing her hand over his and shoves it toward him. He gasps in air, probably less than he should have, he’s eager to place it back over Clarke’s mouth.

After that Bellamy doesn’t follow much of what happens. He’s too focused on making sure the oxygen between Clarke and him lasts long enough for both of them to get on that Ring. He’s careful not to take too much, but when it’s her turn and he can see her start to fade, he urges her to take more. She must have been doing the same thing, taking less so he could have more. _Will she ever stop putting others before herself?_

When they get onto the ship Ravens tank is dangerously low, like Bellamys. Echo, Emori, Harper, and Murphy have to help walk them to the corridor that the air regulator will be attached to. Echo and Emori sit Clarke, Bellamy, and Raven on the ground beside the vents as Harper instructs them too.

With the little energy he has, Bellamy wraps his arm around Clarke. Holding her up so he can hold the mask to her face for her. When it’s his turn to suck in the air nothing comes. It’s finished. There’s nothing left.

Bellamy watches Monty frantically attach a hose to the machine he’d dragged on board, he attaches wires from inside the wall to the wires on the regulator. With barely any strength left he flips a breaker and tumbles to the ground pulling his helmet off and leans toward the vents, almost passing out in the process. Harper and the others follow suit dropping to the ground waiting for the air to circulate.

It comes in a small wave at first but it’s enough for Bellamy to feel his throat open and the pressure behind his eyes lessens. He desperately gasps into the vent, not caring how thick and dusty it tastes.

Bellamy pulls Clarke closer to the vent so she’s beside him on the ground. He holds her close, gently tilting her chin toward the vent, sweat marking his brow was he holds her. He can feel her chest begin to rise and fall against his own. Her breathes become even the longer they lay on the ground waiting for the oxygen to fill their lungs and the space around them.

“Did we do it?” She asks between heavy breaths.

“Yeah.” Bellamy sighs, finally rolling onto his back. Tension leaving his body when he can be certain that Clarke will be okay. That they’ll all be okay. He wants to feel as happy as Murphy sounds when he hollers something to the rest and they all chuckle in unison. But there’s a part of Bellamy that can’t feel completely relieved. He rolls his head to the side, his eyes meeting Clarkes, she gives him a soft smile. _He almost left her behind_. There’s a deep nagging feeling telling him what kind of person he is. He’s the type of person that was going to leave her behind, and that fact will haunt him forever. He was given a choice and he made the call that Clarke would have made, but that doesn’t make him feel any less sick about it.

“Alright, enough laying around. We’ve got work to do.” Bellamy sits up and Clarke follows suit.


	2. Chapter Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! So this chapter ended up going up sooner than expected! The idea of this fic got more attention than I thought it would so it inspired me to write and edit faster. This chapter is from Clarkes perspective which I personally like to write better, so most chapters from now one will likely be done this way. With that said there may still be Bellamy chapters in the future. Anyways, this ones a bit longer, so enjoy!

Clarke squeezes her eyes shut as she steadies herself on her feet, trying to ignore the faint pounding radiating from the bottom of her skull down her spine. When she opens her eyes Bellamy stands in front of her looking her over to make sure she’s okay. She winces on her foot when she steps forward. She must have twisted her ankle at some point between the tower and running back for the ship. Clarke tests it with some weight and finds the pain relatively manageable.

“You okay?” Bellamy asks with concern, tilting his head down slightly to see past hair that’s fallen in Clarke’s eyes, her braid now unravelled after the commotion of the last 48 hours. He brushes the hair away from her face looking for something that will give her away.

“I’m fine.” Clarke forces a half-smile. It’s not a lie but she can’t help the uncertainty that rises in her chest when she thinks about everything that’s happened.

Her last moments on the ground had been terrifying. She had watched fire rapidly consume the world around her. Flames had rolled across the lake and scorched everything it touched. Clarke had never seen anything like it. There’s no way anyone could have survived something like that. She remembers how hot her skin had burned when the heat from the flames followed her into the lab. She remembers the relief she felt when she saw Bellamy getting into the ship. She had screamed after her friends to wait for her, and they did. It was selfish, but the plea escaped her before she could think how much danger she put them in.

Bellamy places a hand on Clarke’s shoulder bringing her back to the present. Shame traces in Clarke’s mind knowing that in those moments she’d been thinking of _only_ herself. She had put her friends' lives in danger for the sake of her own. That’s something she’ll live with forever, and she’s sure her friends are passing judgment too.

Clarke shakes the thought and reaches for the belt around her waist unbuckling it. She ignores Bellamy’s concern as she pulls the zipper of her suit down and shimmies out of it. The rest of her friends do the same, immediately feeling less restricted without their suits. “Let’s go,” Clarke commands. She feels Bellamy quickly follow behind her with his eyes glued to the back of her head.

_He keeps watching her, why is he doing that?_

Clarke leads everyone down the corridor which, if she can remember correctly, leads to the Rings control center. From there they should be able to figure out what they’re working with. They’ll be able to see what’s still functioning on this hunk of metal and what they’ll have to get creative in repairing.

Clarke’s eyes trace the metal walls while she walks, footsteps echo behind her as the others follow. The last time Clarke saw these walls they were filled with what she thought survived of the human race, now they’re filled with lost souls who’ve been separated from their people.

Clarke feels a pain in her chest. So much has changed since the 100 first came to the ground, and even more has changed since she lived on the Ark. She’s a completely different person. She’s done things that would horrify her past self. What unsettles Clarke is that today the choices she’s made and the pain that should have come with them, isn’t there. She did what she had to do in order for her people to survive. Her only choice is to become numb to the pain she’s endured since she landed on the ground or at least tuck it away in a box where it can’t find her. Despite that, there’s still an ache in her chest that deepens to her core the more she thinks about the life that was torn away from her on the ground.

When they reach the control center Clarke scans the open room, cataloging everything useful. There's a long dining table close to a viewing window and open space to their right behind a set of pillars. To their left is a large desk that is surrounded by computers and control panels. Raven immediately rushes to the comfortable looking chair that faces the mechanics and quickly begins typing with a serious look.

Clarke makes her way toward Raven placing herself on the opposite side of the work station while carefully watching the others as they too assess what they’ve just walked into.

Echo hesitantly treads to the viewing window, her eyes become hollow and unreadable as she stares down at the burning planet below. Bellamy takes up space close beside her and he says something quietly, bumping his shoulder against hers. Echo smirks like he said something sarcastic or funny.

Clarke tries to ignore the nauseous feeling in her stomach which boils the more she watches two. She has no right to judge who Bellamy befriends.

Eventually, Murphy and Emori join them at the window, and when they do, Bellamy steps sideways, putting more distance between Echo and him. Clarke’s eyes divert to Harper when she hears a sob escape her, Monty rubs his girlfriends back as she mourns the planet that was supposed to be their final home.

Clarke forces herself to look away. She can’t process the destruction of her home or the fact that she never got to say goodbye to her mother. Not yet. She needs to focus on getting things running. The sooner they set up the sooner they can work on making contact with their people in the bunker. When that’s done Clarke can work on processing everything that’s happened. Hell, she’ll have five years to do it.

“What are we working with?” Clarke asks Raven, her voice carrying across the sparse room catching Bellamy’s attention, he turns from the window and makes his way toward them, leaving the others to watch the world burn without him.

“It looks like most everything is functioning,” Raven begins to explain sounding hopeful, “the only things offline are some power lines routed through the sleeping quarters and a small section of the bio farm seems to be offline. But nothing that can’t be repaired. I’m honestly impressed at how much work we _don’t_ have to do.” Raven looks up at her friends who share worried glances despite the good news.

“What about radios?” Bellamy asks hopefully. He wants to know if he’ll be able to talk to his sister.

“I can look into it but–” Raven pauses, “Bellamy with the levels of radiation on the ground I’ll be surprised if we’ll be able to get a signal through in the next 4 years,” Raven explains trying to make it seem not so bad, but the lack of confidence in her voice doesn’t leave them with much hope.

Bellamy nods.

No one else can see how lost he is without his sister, but Clarke can. It’s in the way his eyes dart back and forth ever so slightly, and how quickly his jaw tightens. He wants to know if his sister survived, and Clarke can’t blame him. She’d give almost anything to know if her mother was safely tucked away in that bunker too.

Clarke glances at Raven who’s gone back to work, then steps closer to Bellamy reaching her palm to rest on Bellamy’s forearm. It’s not much for comfort but Bellamy seems to find something in her touch as he searches Clarke’s eyes, desperate for her to tell him everything will work out. The problem is, Clarke isn’t sure she can tell him that.

“We’ll figure it out. Together,” _like we always do,_ Clarke quietly encourages.

“Together,” Bellamy repeats with a little more hope and gives her a small nod.

If Raven hears them she pretends that she doesn’t as she continues to type something into the computer, she leans forward to read something on the screen.

Clarke keeps her hand rested on Bellamy’s arm, finding her own comfort in the feel of his skin against her own. She takes a moment to make a plan in her head. As much as she’d like to rest, the sooner they get themselves sorted the sooner they’ll be able to try and find a sense of normalcy.

“Alright,” Clarke begins to delegate, grabbing the group’s attention. “Monty and Harper, go assess the hydro farm, see what we need to do to get that thing fully functioning. Raven take Emori and see if you can fix the power lines, Murphy go with them and check out the sleeping quarters and see what you can find for supplies and–”

Raven interjects, “You’re really going to let Murphy check supplies? Anyone else think the count might be a little off?” She remarks half-jokingly.

“Everything will be accounted for,” Clarke looks pointedly at Murphy who holds up his hands in defence. “Besides, there aren’t many places he could hide things.”

“You’d be surprised how creative I can be,” Murphy smirks when Emori hits him playfully on the shoulder, trying to hide her own smile.

Clarke ignores Murphy’s comment, though she is happy that they’re already able to joke with each other. Something Clarke can never seem to find within her, she’s too busy making sure everyone stays alive.

“Uhm Echo…” Clarke continues then trails off unsure what to do with her _._ How useful could she be? It’s not like they need a spy when there are only eight people trapped on a relatively small spacecraft. Clarke has a feeling that not much is going to go unnoticed by _anyone_.

“Echo and I will unload the supplies from the ship,” Bellamy quickly jumps in, seeing Clarkes struggle.

Clarke gives a curt nod, her stomach forming small knots at how quick Bellamy is to offer to spend time with someone who had once held a sword to Clarke’s throat, let alone someone who tried to kill his own sister.

Clarke’s eyes flicker between Bellamy and Echo. She clears her throat trying to keep hold of her confidence. She avoids looking at them, there’s another moment that from the corner of her eye where she sees the same concern that’s plagued Bellamy’s features since they got here.

“Let’s get to work,” Clarke says pointedly. Everyone gathers directions and passcodes from Raven at the computer then disperse to start on the tasks they’ve been assigned.

Taking a deep breath Clarke passes Bellamy and Echo and heads in the same direction as Monty and Harper. If she can remember correctly, there are some offices in a small corridor close to the bio-farm. It could be something worth checking out.

She finds the rooms quickly after Harper and Monty split off. There’s only two. The first is mostly empty aside from a cabinet in the corner of the room. Clarke spends a decent amount of time sorting through it. She finds a couple of articles of clothing, more office supplies, and stack binders. Clarke looks through the binders, finding nothing incredibly important. There are notes made about repairs that need to be made in various sections of the Ark, but otherwise, it’s standard paperwork.

In the second room the second, aside from a filing cabinet filled with paper, which Clarke’s sure she’ll eventually end up snooping through, there’s a metal desk with blank paper stacked in the corner. Clarke walks around it and pulls open one of the drawers, the handle cool on her fingers. Inside there are multiple pens, scissors, tape, and a stapler. Nothing out of the ordinary.

Clarke scans the rest of the room and lands on a bookshelf by the office door. Surprisingly it’s filled with around fifty books. As far as Clarke can tell when she crosses the room for closer inspection, they are in decent condition. Physical copies of books were something Clarke didn’t come by often growing up on the Ark. Any sort of literature that Clarke came across was stored on the tablets her parents carried with them.

Clarke’s fingers trail along a row of particularly battered novels. She picks one at random, admiring a beautifully drawn image of a woman on the cover. Her hair is parted in the middle, tucked behind her ears into a small bun. She shyly looks to her hands, as if hoping to go unnoticed by anyone. A feeling Clarke knows all too well. Clarke reads the cover, ‘Jane Eyre’ she’s not familiar with it.

“Monty!” Clarke’s thoughts are interrupted by what sounds like Harper, and unfortunately, it sounds like Harper in distress.

Clarke shoves the book back on the shelf and rushes across the hall down a narrow passage that leads to the bio-farm. Clarke punches in the code that Raven had set before they all separated into a number pad beside the doors and they quickly slide open. Clarke bursts into the room searching for Harper and Monty. The farm is very small, most likely here as a backup between primary stations when the Ark had been whole. There are only three rows of metal planters where normally healthy crops would sit, but now nothing exists there aside from shrivelled leaves and dried dirt.

_How the hell is Monty supposed to get this thing working and producing food for them to eat?_

“Clarke!” Harper cries from across the room.

Clarke rushes toward her voice down the last row of planters to find Harper on the ground cradling Monty's head in her hands. Clarkes eyes land on a ladder two feet from them and it doesn’t take Clarke long to understand what happened.

“He fell?” Clarke asks urgently and Harper nods with a worried look. “Did he hit his head?” Clarke kneels down beside her friend opening his eyes with her fingers to check how responsive his pupils are. She feels around his head and can’t find any bumps or cuts. From what Clarke can tell with a quick look he may have a mild concussion but she won’t know for sure until he wakes up.

“Monty?” Clarke gently nudges his shoulder careful not to be too loud, he most definitely will have a headache and she doesn’t want to make that any worse for him.

With another nudge he stirs uncomfortably, laying with his head tilted toward Harper, “I fell.” Monty reports, his voice sounding groggy.

“Can you walk?” Clarke asks concerned. They’ve only just gotten to the Ring and there’s no way in hell Clarke is letting anything happen to them, Monty falling off a ladder is _not_ going to be what does him in for good.

Monty nods and both Harper and Clarke help him to his feet. They both walk alongside him, Harper holding his arm to help keep him up. He mumbles something about being dizzy, which concerns Clarke but she doesn’t say anything, not wanting to worry Harper.

“I think you might have a concussion, but it seems pretty minor,” Clarke informs Monty as they enter the control room where everyone else has made it back already.

Murphy and Emori are talking quietly to themselves by the window, Raven back at the control desk, and Echo is silent as she sits at the table staring blankly at her hands. Bellamy stands leaning against the table with his arms crossed over his chest. He stands up straight and quickly makes his way toward Clarke as Harper eases Monty into a chair at the table.

Bellamy gives Clarke a concerned and questioning look.

“He’ll be okay,” Clarke reassures him, “just a concussion. He fell off a ladder. I think he was doing something to the pipes in the roof.” She continues to explain. Bellamy nods standing beside her to face the group scattered across the room.

“What did everyone find?” Clarke asks, trying not to sound too hopeful.

“Echo and I unloaded the rocket,” Bellamy begins, pointing to the pile of supplies tucked into the corner of the room. _They’ll have to sort through it all at some point._ “Raven said the wiring that needs repairing is nothing major, light switches, a couple of air conditioners, nothing we can’t live without for the time being.” Bellamy sighs into his hands looking tired. Clarke hadn’t noticed until now, but they all look tired. She doesn't remember the last time anyone in this room actually slept. They’re all going to need their energy to get this place functioning properly.

“And what about the sleeping quarters? How many rooms are there?” Clarke asks, trying to stifle a yawn herself.

“Four,” Murphy’s voice interjects as he crosses the room with Emori’s hand in his. “Two with two single beds, and the other two with double beds.” He explains. “Now since I made this discovery, Emori and I claim one of the doubles.” He says matter of factly, putting an arm around his girlfriend.

“Fine,” Clarke reluctantly agrees. It makes sense for the couples to stay in the rooms where they’re able to share a bed. “Monty and Harper you can take the other room with a double.” Clarke smiles at them, feeling significantly happier to let this couple enjoy their privacy.

“Thanks Clarke,” Monty says gratefully, his cheeks going a slight shade of pink while Harper continues to dote on him at the table.

“Uh,” Clarke looks at Bellamy, Raven, and Echo, who have all made their way into a semicircle around Clarke.

“This should be interesting,” Murphy says under his breath with an entertained smile as he watches them all shift on their feet.

All of them are clearly uncomfortable knowing they're going to decide who’s going to be sleeping in the same rooms with each other for the foreseeable future. There’s no way in hell Clarke wants to share a room with Echo but the thought of Bellamy and Echo sharing a room makes her feel sick. She knows it shouldn’t and that there's no reasonable explanation as to why She despises the idea, but she hates it enough to be willing to share with the last person she’d ever want to. Besides, if she says that she’ll share a room with Bellamy it might seem self-serving, and everything between them needs to be relatively equal if they’re going to survive for five years without ripping each other to shreds.

Clarke groans internally, already hating everything about what she’s about to do. “Echo, I guess–” she starts.

“Echo and I will share.” Raven quickly interrupts cutting Clarke off. She gives Clarke a pointed look that says not to argue with her. Clarke keeps her lips sealed and makes a mental note to thank Raven later.

“Okay,” Echo says, her voice deep almost like she’s irritated. Clarke can’t help but wonder why.

_God this is all so trivial, who cares what room everyone is sleeping in, they’re all adults for crying out loud._

“Right.” Murphy raises his eyebrows at the four of them, chuckling at the tense silence. “I’m not sure about the rest of you, but I’m beat.” Murphy grabs Emori’s hand and heads to their room. Monty and Harper quickly follow.

“Come on Echo, I’ll show you where our room is.” Raven gestures for Echo to follow after grabbing a small tablet from the control panel.

Clarke and Bellamy are left alone in the open room. Suddenly it feels more silent than it has since they arrived on this hunk of metal. It’s insane to her how this small Ring in the sky used to be a part of her home growing up. All her life she remembers dreaming about going to the ground, and she finally did. Yet here she is, back in space feeling more lost than the day her dad died.

Clarke closes her eyes and takes a deep breath, attempting to bring herself back to the present. Focusing on the past won't get her anywhere, and it sure as hell won't get her any closer to actually being able to sleep tonight. When Clarke opens her eyes she can see Bellamy giving her that concerned look he's worn all day in regards to her. _Who is she kidding, it’s the look he’s worn for the majority of the four years they’ve known each other_.

“Bellamy.” Clarke says seriously, looking him in the eyes for good measure, “I’m fine.” She reassures him sternly before walking toward the window.

Clarke is still unsure if she’s ready to face what lies on the outside. Seeing it first hand on the ground only makes her imagination stir, imagining the destruction the wave of radiation is causing. She can see the scorched land in her mind, the beautiful green of the trees will no longer be there, barren unlivable land will be all that’s left.

When Clarke looks down at the burning earth her eyes threaten her with tears. It’s worse than she thought. There’s not a single ounce of untouched land or at least none that she can see. Even the oceans are covered in red dust where it should be blue. It’s devastating to see from a distance.

Bellamy joins Clarke at the window, his arm brushing against hers. It’s comforting to have his touch, even if it is just barely there.

“Was all of it worth it in the end?” Clarke gravely asks, the air in her lungs escaping her as she begins to mourn the death of her home. “Wells? The war against the grounders? Mount Weather? Lexa’s Death? Was it worth it if this was all it was ever going to come to?” She whispers, feeling her heart fall heavy as she remembers everyone she’s lost. She desperately wants Bellamy to tell her that it _was_ worth it. That all the suffering they’ve faced wasn’t all for nothing. But could he say that with complete honesty?

“We did what we needed to do to survive,” Bellamy says firmly, trying to reassure her. Clarke can see the worry and anguish behind his eyes. He must have the same questions, wondering how pointless the horrible things they did were.

“Maybe we don’t deserve to survive?” Clarke says, her voice quiet. “After all we’ve done?” She can hear her own pain thick in her voice.

“Clarke…” His voice cracks, like he’s desperate for her not to believe what she’s saying. He turns to her, and she’s greeted with a tormented gaze. Maybe he’s not sure what to say. He reaches out, putting himself between her and the window. He brushes her hair out of her eyes, something that seems to have become a habit of his. She should probably cut her hair, but then he wouldn't need to brush it from her face.

Clarke welcomes him as he wraps his arms tight around her shoulders so she’s able to rest her head under his chin, she wraps her hands around his waist locking them behind him. It’s like the hug they shared when he told her she wouldn’t be able to say goodbye to her mother. This time however they’re both mourning their home, and somehow the hurt feels ten times deeper. Everything they worked so hard for is gone. They don’t even know if their people survived in that bunker.

Clarke can feel tears sting her eyes, she sniffles slightly and Bellamy's grip tightens around her.

“We’ll figure this out princess.” He whispers, sounding as though he’s trying to convince himself as well as her.

After a moment Clarke is able to gather herself, she steps away from him, wiping the last of her tears from her eyes. “We should try and sleep.” She clears her throat, unable to look at him.

She needs Bellamy. He’s her rock and she can’t mess things up with him. If there’s ever been one consistency in Clarkes life these last four years, it’s been Bellamy, and Clarke can't lose him if she wants to make it through the next five.

“Do you really think anyone’s actually going to be able to sleep tonight? After what we just went through?” Bellamy questions, smiling slightly. It’s meant to somehow be lighthearted but there’s too much truth to it.

Still, “You have a point,” Clarke smile’s half-heartedly. “We should still try. There’s a lot to do tomorrow.” Clarke says softly, not wanting to think about the list of things she already has piling up in her mind.

They both head down the corridor side by side, their shoes echoing loudly against the walls making her feel more alone than before.

Clarke’s not sure what room is theirs in the row of doors, but there's only one left open so she decides it’s safe to assume that it’s theirs.

When they step inside Bellamy taps on the number pad and the door closes, leaving them in a room which is dimly lit by a small industrial lap on a nightstand between the beds.

It’s apparent how cramped the space is. Both walls are lined with already made beds and there’s only room for the small nightstand between them. At the foot of each bed, there are small grey chests that are most likely meant for whoever’s occupying the room's personal possessions. Clarke opens the chest on the left-hand side. She finds a couple of oversized t-shirts and a large pair of sweatpants. Clarke closes the chest not wanting to bother changing into anything, she doesn’t have the energy.

Clarke can feel Bellamy watching her as she sits on the creaky bed and begins to unlace her boots. She kicks them off, and takes off her jacket feeling warmer than she’d like, and tosses it to the end off the bed, sighing slightly when it’s gone. It had been incredibly uncomfortable under her hazmat suit.

Clarke fans herself with her hand, the air in the room feeling increasingly thick. They must have been the unlucky ones given a room with no air conditioning. While she continues to get herself settled, Bellamy doesn't move.

“What is it Bellamy?” Clarke asks, trying not to sound irritated.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” He asks again, his brow furrowing. He sits on the bed across from her. He leans forward, elbows resting on his knees making the gap between them smaller.

“Bellamy,” Clarke says, her irritation more prominent than she means. “I’m fine. Really.” She adds for good measure making sure to look him in the eyes as she does. Maybe then he’ll believe her this time. She doubts it.

He pauses for a moment to study her, then sighs, “Okay.” Clearly he _doesn't_ believe her, but he must decide her answer will do for now. He’s probably equally exhausted as Clarke feels and doesn’t want to unpack something that will have both of them thinking too much. They’ll never get to sleep then. He lays down on top of the covers, Clarke does the same, the room too hot to bother with them.

Clarke rolls to her side watching as Bellamy reaches out to turn off the light “I guess we were lucky enough to get one of the rooms with full power.” She says quietly, the darkness making her voice seem loud.

“But no air conditioning.” Bellamy breathes out a small laugh.

“We’ve slept in worse.” Clarke retorts, thinking back to the days of makeshift tents outside the dropship. Things had been so simple. If only Clarke could go back and warn herself of everything to come. Maybe then she could have done it all differently.

“Goodnight Bellamy,” Clarke whispers.

“Goodnight Clarke,” Bellamy says thoughtfully like he wants to say more but doesn’t.

Clarke can hear him kick off his shoes. The bed squeaks slightly under his weight. Once he’s settled Clarke is left looking across the room into darkness and she feels her chest cave in and the weight of everything comes with the sensation. Clarke takes a deep letting her tears silently hit the pillow below her head.

_Everything they’ve done since landing on the ground means nothing. The world was going to end today no matter what they did. There were so many lives lost for no reason._

Clarke squeezes her eyes shut and when she does she sees the faces of everyone she’s gotten killed. Maya, Jasper, Lexa, the citizens of Mount Weather, so many people died because of her. She opens her eyes unable to handle the sight. She waits silently until she hears the Bellamys breathing even into a gentle lull. She finds comfort in the fact that he’s here with her. As weird as it seems to share a room with the man she’s had a complicated relationship with since they landed on the ground, she’s grateful to Raven for inviting Echo to stay with her.

As long and endless as tonight will feel, having Bellamy beside Clarke makes it so much more bearable.

That night Clarke doesn’t sleep, and she’s the first one up and moving in the morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked it! Kudos are appreciated! Also if you want to follow me on Tumblr my URL is theonlychoice


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Sorry it took so long to get this chapter out! I was having a lot of trouble getting it to the point I wanted it to end plot-wise. Nonetheless, I hope you all enjoy!

Routine comes quickly to the group, mostly because they don't have much else to do aside from settle into what will be their new life for the next five years.

Clarke finds that she's first up in the morning as it's usually her who quietly slips on her boots that are half a size too big – her options had been limited when she found them during her time in Arkadia – and tiptoes out of her and Bellamy's quarters, trying not to wake him.

Clarke barely sleeps these days, and when she does, her dreams only turn to nightmares. The image of the burning earth won't get out of her head. Every time she closes her eyes, she can see herself stumbling fervently across the field and back to the lab. Once she reaches it and runs down the grated stairs, she screams for her friends to wait for her, but they don't. Clarke watches Bellamy shut the door to the rocket, leaving her behind. She doesn't blame him in her dreams. He's doing what's best for everyone. Thinking with his head, not his heart. Like she'd asked him too. But that doesn't make it hurt any less.

Every night the dream replays itself; some nights are worse than others. On the bad nights when it all feels particularly real, Clarke's chest tightens, making her throat close like the air is thick, and she's left gasping for air.

Bellamy is always there to wake her.

His hand brushes in her hair, and he shakes her arm slightly. "Clarke, it's just a dream." He repeats to her gently.

She shoots up in her bed, panic in her eyes until she realizes where she is, remembering what actually happened that day. Breathing deeply as she attempts to calm herself. "Sorry," Clarke mumbles, slightly embarrassed as he watches her, crouched down beside her bed. Clarke can barely make him out in the darkness, but she knows he's close. She can feel his hand still brushing comfortingly through her hair.

"That's the third day in a row." He reminds her, not in annoyance but more out of worry.

"It's nothing." Clarke dismisses him. She should stay awake anyway, if anything goes wrong, she needs to be there to fix it.

"Sure." Bellamy clearly doesn't believe her, but he gives her space despite that. Clarke can feel him move across the room to his own bed.

Clarke waits until his breath evens, and it's clear Bellamy is asleep then makes her way out of bed and down the Mechanical halls toward the bridge.

She's only just gotten used to the low hum of electricity that she remembers hearing the last time she lived in space. The sound bounces off the metal walls and echoes endlessly throughout the ship, triggering a nostalgia Clarke never thought she'd miss. It reminds her of her dad. She remembers running into his arms at a young age in a similar corridor. Laughing with him, and learning things from him, before everything became complicated. Clarke had almost forgotten the sound. It's so loud yet wholly silent compared to the constant buzz of the earth's elements– or at least what _was_ earth.

Now the ground is anything but the green and blue saving grace that it seemed to be when Clarke was a kid looking down at it through a similar window. Now, it makes her feel sick as she stares down at the planet, trying to remember what it looked like before. Before the hundred were sent to the ground, and she'd been naive to what would come.

Unsurprisingly, watching what was her home burn to dust every morning isn't the most positive way to start the day, but Clarkes viewing options are somewhat limited during breakfast.

The flames at the surface subside by the fourth day, and from what Clarke can tell, they're completely gone by the end of the week. The planet quickly becomes consumed by a coat of red dust, which distorts any view of the surface she gets. Making the earth look like an unmolded clay ball of numerous shades of red and orange.

There's no way to tell what the ground _really_ looks like, and Clarke's not sure she wants to know. It's painful to remember the distinct smell of dirt and pine, and how the freshwater felt around her skin, wrapping cooly around her body when she puttered in the lake to wash. The thought of never again filling her lungs with fresh unrecycled air is unbearable. She'll never get used to the stale air of space again.

"Not the most uplifting view." Someone says sarcastically behind her.

Clarke jumps slightly, not expecting to see Raven appear in the doorway. She walks toward Clarke, her high ponytail swinging behind her. "How long do you think before the dust settles?" Raven asks as she pulls out a chair placing herself across from Clarke, angled toward the window.

Clarke ponders for a moment, "Your guess is as good as mine. It could be months, years even. There's no way to tell." She says solemnly, it's hard not to let sadness seep into her voice. She needs to be strong for her friends, their lives are going to get complicated in ways they can't begin to understand. They're going to be looking to Clarke and Bellamy for help. She _needs_ to stay strong.

There's a pause between the two women as they stare out the window. Both of their minds wandering in directions that make their faces fall grim, "You think we can really do this?" Raven's voice quivers nervously.

"We have too, we don't have a choice," Clarke says seriously. Her eyes narrow from Raven to the planet below, wondering what the next five years are going to look like for all of them. What they'll all be to each other after this. If they make it that long. With the way the algae-farm is looking, they won't.

Raven sighs deep in thought, worry forming at her brow, "I should get to work." She stands with a wince and places a supportive hand on her thigh. Her leg must be bothering her.

Raven spends most of her time tinkering with the computers to find whatever secrets the Ring has in store. She's been looking for fuel as a way back to the ground more than anything else, but so far, no luck. The first week Raven doesn't find a single thing, but there's hope there might be an open radio signal that could get them in contact with the ground for a brief period in their second week.

Raven tries everything she can to boost the signal, barely sleeping for almost three days until Clarke finally puts her foot down and makes Echo take her to their room. Raven could scarcely walk; she was so exhausted, which made Clarke feel like she'd made the right call despite how much Raven fought her on it.

Eventually, Raven has to scrap the idea, and when she tells the group, it's the first time that everyone starts to truly feel hopeless.

"Bellamy," Raven focuses on him because she knows it matters to him the most. "the radiation is still too strong. There's no way for me to make contact." Raven stares at her bowl of rations. They all listen intently at the table, hoping good news would follow the bad. Clarke can tell she's trying to keep her voice even while she reports her findings. But when she doesn't continue, they all sink into themselves where they sit at the table, trying to hide their disappointment.

"You tried your best Raven, that's what matters." Clarke reaches to reassuringly squeeze her friend's shoulder. Raven only nods to herself, keeping her head down and not meeting anyone's eye. Clarke can tell she's ashamed that she's failed them.

Of course, Clarke doesn't think Raven has failed, but there's no convincing her friend of that.

Clarke focuses back on Bellamy, and she can see red around his eyes, he's trying to hold back his tears. It might fool everyone else, but Clarke can always see through him. His heart is breaking, and all Clarke can do is watch it happen. But it doesn't stop her from following Bellamy out of the room when he harshly shoves his chair back and leaves without warning.

Clarke quickly gives Raven an apologetic look to tell her it's not her fault, then finds Bellamy not far down the hall.

His forehead is pressed firmly against the cold metal wall, his hands flat on either side of him as he leans into the surface, squeezing his eyes shut like he's trying to hold his pain back.

"Bellamy," Clarke whispers as she gently puts her hand on his arm. His tense muscles relax, and his hands fall back to his sides. He turns around to lean against the wall, and he looks to Clarke, desperate for answers.

"This isn't the end. You will see your sister again." Clarke musters every once of certainty she can find in herself. She stares up at him, keeping her eyes locked on his to make sure he believes her.

"You don't know that Clarke." His voice cracks, and his head falls forward. "What if they didn't make it? What if the bunker isn't enough?" He asks with worry tracing his features.

"It worked," Clarke promises. "We _have_ to believe it did." She reassures him. "Octavia is smart. She'll know what to do. And if she doesn't, she has people down there who will protect her. Indra, Kane, my mom." Clarke says, her voice faltering when she mentions her mother.

She never got to say goodbye.

Bellamy's eyes quickly fill with regret. "I'm so sorry Clarke, you didn't get to say goodbye to Abby, at least I had that." He stares up at the roof, beating himself up over something he has no control over.

"Bellamy, I'm okay, I'm glad you got to say goodbye to your sister." Clarke tries to sound positive, but the way Bellamy looks at her, she can tell it doesn't work.

The same hollow pain Clarke felt chest the moment she realized she wouldn't be able to hear her mother's voice settles into her stomach. Shes tried not to think about it since they got here, but some things can't be avoided forever. Clarke is going to have to deal with the pain sooner or later.

"I have some things to get done." She gives Bellamy a half-smile and lets her hair fall on her face when she steps across his path. She feels a tight grip on her arm that pulls her back to face him.

Bellamy is staring at her, his brown eyes intense. He brings his fingers to her cheek, making her skin prickle warmly. Her head tilts slightly against his fingers. He tucks the fallen strands of hair behind her ear and keeps his hand cradled around her cheek.

He holds her gaze, "Clarke, it's okay to _not_ be okay." He says it firmly but with tender eyes.

"I'm fine Bellamy." The words feel robotic at this point. Having said them so often.

Bellamy rolls his eyes, his hand falling back to his side. Clarke misses the feeling immediately. She wants to reach out and place it back and hold onto the comforting touch.

"Clarke, I know you're not fine." Bellamy sounds worried and slightly annoyed like he's waiting for her to break. But she won't, she'll hold it together for as long as she can. And if she does break, no one will be around to see it.

"Bellamy," Clarke gives him a warning look that doesn't match her shaky voice. She turns before he can say anything and can feel his eyes burning into her as she heads down the hall. Once out of sight, Clarke quickly marches down the corridors, eventually fiddling with the lock to her secret room filled with books.

Clarke sits at the metallic desk and slumps in the uncomfortable chair. She fiddles with a pencil she'd been using earlier to draw a detailed picture of Arkadia, her eyes land on a pair of scissors placed in a holder near the right corner of the desk. Clarke thinks on it for a minute then finds herself looking into a small mirror beside one of the bookshelves. She brings the scissors to her shoulders and cuts her hair. She watches the pieces fall to the ground as she evens the length, giving herself a sort-of bob. She touches up the ends until she's satisfied. She steps back and admires herself in the mirror.

Clarke has never found herself to be incredibly attractive, but she's not ugly either. She's somewhere in the middle, but she has to admit the short hair bumps her up a few notches. It makes her look older, less like the kid she was when they first landed on the ark. Her hair has more volume as well, no longer held down by its own weight. Clarke finds herself smiling slightly. She's never been one to care much about looks, but it does feel good to no longer have the weight of her hair pulling her down more than she needs.

Eventually, Clarke finds the others again, their jaws drop slightly when they see her for the first time. Clarke can feel her cheeks go pink, but she ignores it.

"Had time for a haircut I see," Murphy remarks, and when he does, Bellamy turns to see Clarke, distracting him from the sparring match between Echo and him. The moment of distraction gives Echo enough of an advantage to trip him with her foot, so he lands flat on his back.

"I love it Clarke," Harper says with an honest smile.

"Yeah, now come sit and play a round with us." Raven gestures for Clarke to take a seat beside her and join them in a card game. Murphy had found the set hidden somewhere in his and Emoris room, and it quickly became everyone's new form of entertainment.

"I think I'm just going to get some rest." Clarke lies, turning on her heel and back out the door. She's not sure why she even went back in the first place. She shakes her head, feeling stupid, then quickly dismisses the feelings, tucking them away.

When she gets to her sleeping quarters, she slips off some layers leaving her in her tank top and black jeans. It feels weird for her hair to no longer trail over her shoulders; instead, her skin is left bare. It feels nice in the heat of the room. They really need to get the air conditioning fixed.

Clarke lays down on her bed and closes her eyes. She knows it's pointless because she's not going to be able to sleep. Her mind is busy with questions and no answers. How long until they run out of food? How long until a vital piece of machinery breaks? How long until something goes wrong? But eventually, despite her mind running in all different directions, Clarke drifts off. Her head falling to the side as sleep takes her.

_A swarm of smoke funnels around Clarke and her hair whips across her face in the wind. She pushes forward, desperate to make it to the lab on time, with every step her feet feel heavier until they feel like bricks holding her in place. She falls forward, cutting her hand on a rock. She screams in pain, glancing behind her. Her heart races while she watches a wave of fire pave a destructive path toward her. Clarke scrambles forward, her body heavy against the ground. She's helpless. She can't move, and the flames keep on toward her. Clarke claws her way across the field, but when she turns, the fire is nearly at her feet, the heat consuming her body until the flames are surrounding her–_

"No!" Clarke screams, sitting up in her bed, drops of sweat pooling down her back and arms. Her hair feels wet in the thick hot air.

"Clarke, you're okay, it's just me." Bellamy's distorted voice becomes more apparent as Clarkes becomes aware of her surroundings. He must have turned the light on because she can see the wall across from her. Usually, it's so dark she can barely see inches in front of her—perks to a room with no windows.

Clarke looks to Bellamy, hair sticking to his forehead, and beads of sweat trickle down his temples. They really need some goddamn air conditioning.

Clarke turns to swing her feet off the bed, sitting with her elbows resting on her knees and her head in her hands. She feels a weight shift beside her as Bellamy sits next to her. He doesn't say anything, he's waiting for her to explain. Hell, she owes it to him, she'd woken him almost every night this week.

"I like the hair." Bellamy teases, bumping his shoulder against hers.

Clarke feels her cheeks go pink at the light-hearted remark. She’s been wondering what his thoughts on her hair are, not that his opinion really matters. "Thanks, I needed a change," Clarke says quietly. She takes a deep breath trying not to let the heat of the room add to her anxiety. "I'm going to shower."

"Clarke–" Bellamy starts, but she doesn't wait to see what he has to say. Instead, she goes to the showers and takes longer than she should. Hoping the water will wash away her nightmare.

Once finished, Clarke doesn't go back to bed. Instead, she makes her way to the bridge, unsure of the hour. All she knows is that she can't go back to the room. If Bellamy isn't asleep again already, he'll be waiting for her and waiting with questions. Questions that she isn't ready to answer.

So Clarke waits. For what she's not sure, but she sits at the table until the others wake up and get on with their days. They all have jobs to do or tasks they feel obligated to partake in.

Everyone seems to have something to work on, everyone but Clarke. Raven keeps the ship running, Emori slowly becoming somewhat of an apprentice to her, and Murphy doing whatever the hell he does. At least he's able to put a smile on everyone's faces even if it is with ill-timed jokes and snarky remarks.

Monty and Harper are still in the early stages of working on the algae-farm. Somehow Echo has even made herself useful. She's been teaching the group sword fighting skills she's learned over her years as a spy. Everyone claims they've got nothing better to do to pass the time, so why not learn how to fight with a sword from Someone clearly skilled.

Bellamy has become particularly interested in learning from Echo. Clarke thinks it's a distraction from what's really going on in his head. It keeps him from thinking about the things he doesn't want to think about. At least that's what he'd told Clarke that night when she asked him about it.

"You're getting good," Clarke tells him in the middle of the night when darkness consumes their room, and it feels like they can say anything. Like no matter how grim, their words would get lost in the darkness around them.

"I like it, it keeps my mind busy." He says, and Clarke only nods, even though he can't see her.

"Busy from what?" She questions him curiously.

"Wondering if Octavias is alive." He says, honest and harsh. Like it hurts to say the words.

"Bellamy," Clarke whispers his name, fully prepared to tell him they can't think like that.

"I know." He cuts her off before she can start. She hears his bed creek, and the covers rustle, and Clarke takes that as their conversation is over.

They seem to have a lot of conversations hidden in the darkness of their room.

One night Clarke slips out of the large sweater she found a couple of days ago, leaving her in a black tank top and the sweatpants that had been sitting in the chest at the end of her bed. They still haven't figured out the air conditioning, but they better soon because Clarke’s not sure how much longer she can handle sweating her body weight every night.

"Do you think we can do this?" Clarkes quiet voice trails across the room, breaking the silence that settles once Bellamy turns off the light. Now it's her turn to be grim and unoptimistic.

"We have too, we don't have a choice." Bellamy's voice is equally as quiet as Clarkes. She's not sure why they're whispering, there's no way anyone can listen to them through the thick walls, but it makes it easier to speak for some reason. Maybe because they can't see each other's faces.

"Funny," Clarke smirks. "That's what I said to Raven." Clarke's chest feels tight. She hoped Bellamy would have more to say, maybe something positive. Usually, he does with this sort of stuff. "Goodnight, Bellamy." Clarke finally says when he doesn't respond. Trying to hide the anxiety in her voice. If he catches it, he doesn't say anything.

"Goodnight Clarke." He whispers.

The more time that passes, the more Clarke can feel her and Bellamy distancing themselves from each other. Well, more Bellamy avoiding her. He barely says anything to her outside survival talk; otherwise, he's sparing with Echo.

Bellamy and Echo have become close; they spend most of their time together. Something Clarke has to continually try to ignore in an attempt to unravel the knots that form in her stomach when she sees them together. They're usually sparing on the mats Emori had come across on the day she had taken to explore the ship. She had found some rather useful things, the first being the water reclamator. Raven and Monty had been quick to get it up and running despite Monty's injury from his fall. They had recycled water within three days.

Monty's head hasn't gotten much better. Clarke assumes it's from using his brainpower too soon and not enough time to rest. So the algae-farm in Go-Sci still hasn't been fixed. Monty says the water lines above the planters need repairs, and some light fixtures need fixing. Which is why he'd been on the ladder that first day when he fell. It was more repairs than Clarke had anticipated, which worries her, considering the limited rations they were working with. But Monty and Harper still continue with as many repairs they can in a day.

Murphy has spent most of his time wandering up and down the halls, usually throwing sarcastic and slightly offensive comments at the gang. Something most of them try to ignore when they can. Occasionally Clarke sees him and Emori together, usually arguing about something trivial. The more time passes, the more often Emori can generally be found next to Raven, learning about the computer systems. She's taken an interest in technology, something Murphy is clearly annoyed at, claiming it seems wrong considering his girlfriend's origins.

Clarke still hasn't shared her secret room with physical copies of books, she hasn't even told Bellamy. She knows it's selfish to keep it to herself, but it's nice to have a place to escape. Somewhere to go when Murphy is feeling particularly insufferable and when something goes wrong, or there's another problem to fix, they all look to her for answers. Somehow even in space, Clarke feels the weight of the world on her shoulders. She'll tell the others about it eventually, but for now, the office tucked away in a hall no one visits is her safe space to get away from everything. She knows by not telling the others she is asking for trouble, but she can't help herself.

Three weeks into living on the Ring, Bellamy still keeps an eye on her. Clarke can see it when Raven asks about what she thinks is best to fix first, the air conditioning or lighting. Of course, Clarke picks lighting. Hers and Bellamy's room is the only one without air conditioning, and she doesn't need to give Murphy any more ammo on how selfish she is.

If Clarkes honest, she hasn't spoken to anyone outside of her leadership role since day one. No one questions where she slips off too between time eating or partaking in her share of the dispersed duties, like cleaning the dishes after dinner. Which happens to be her duty today as they all sit and eat together like they do every day.

Monty and Harper are the last to finish their portion of the rations, and Clarke is quick to collect the small metal bowls which have been quickly emptied into their stomachs. The dishes clank together as Clarke stacks the pile, nodding at the thank yous she receives from her friends.

"Someone remind me why we even use cutlery and why pretend there's enough food in these bars to warrant needing a bowl and fork? It's pathetic." Murphy remarks with a sting in his tone. He leans back in his seat, giving them all expectant looks, like they have the answers. Which they don't. "Can we stop pretending we're one big happy family?"

"Murphy," Emori warns.

"What? Someone has to say it. Raven has clearly given up on contacting anyone in the bunker." He continues, clearly looking to start something.

Clarke's eyes flicker to Bellamy, and he meets hers. She catches a brief stint of pain in them that he quickly masks while sitting up straighter. Clarke immediately looks away, unsure of what to do for him, but there's _nothing_ and that hurts Clarke the most.

"Also, is anyone going to tell Harper and Monty that yes, we can hear you, who knew you had that much stamina in you buddy." Murphy claps his friend on the back, genuinely seeming impressed. Monty's cheeks go a deep shade of red, and Harper's hair falls sheepishly in her face. "And is anyone going to talk about the weird thing going on between Echo and Bellamy?” He looks accusingly at the two, “because last time I checked, she tried and almost succeeded in killing his sister. She also tried to kill Clarke if I'm not wrong." Murphy smirks as Bellamy balls his fists on the table, his knuckles going white. "Besides, at this point, I thought Bellamy and Clarke would have definitely fuck–."

"Nothing is going on." Bellamy cuts Murphy off, his voice loud and warning. His eyes shift uncomfortably to Clarke as she clears her throat, avoiding looking in his direction. Clarke prays that the heat in her face doesn't show. Instead, she looks at Echo who seems ready to snap Murphy's neck. Clarke might not stop her if she tries.

"Murphy." Clarke scolds, sounding ten times more threatening than Emori had, "you done?" Clarke demands, clearly unimpressed. When he doesn't respond, she takes it as a yes. "Good. Latrine duty for the next five days." Clarke orders, feeling like she’s scolding a child. She doesn’t know how Emori deals with his immaturity.

"Clarke, that's bullshit," Murphy stands from his seat.

"Want it to be 10 days?" Clarke raises her eyebrows, temping him to push her further. Murphy's glare burns through her, he huffs as his hand lazily hits the stacked bowls at the end of the table, pushing them onto the floor as he leaves. When he walks past Clarke, his shoulder collides with hers, making Clarke stubble back slightly.

"You'd think he'd learn to keep his mouth shut, and yet," Emori remarks, frustrated with her boyfriend. She stands from her seat and follows after Murphy calling his name.

"And we thought it would be boring up here." Raven snorts before drinking her water. She looks at Bellamy, and her eyes quickly fall to her cup. "I haven't stopped trying Bellamy, it's just the sooner I start working on the fuel plan to get us back to the ground, the quicker we can actually see our people when all this is over." Raven tries to explain her voice desperate for him to understand.

"It's okay Raven," Bellamy nods understandingly. Clarke notices Echo place a reassuring hand on Bellamy's arm. An uncomfortable knot wrestles in Clarke's stomach as she tries not to acknowledge she's seen the tender gesture.

"Right," Clarke picks up the scattered bowls from the ground. "Dish duty." Clarke holds them up and backs away from the group. She quickly makes her way to the makeshift kitchen, more similar to a break room. There’s no stove or much of any appliances. Only a small sink, fridge, and fold-out table.

Clarke puts the bowls in the sink and places her hands on the ends of the counter, her head falls forward. She takes a deep breath, trying to clear her head. But the only thing that keeps running through her mind is Echo's hand comforting Bellamy. Her thumb smoothing over his skin subconsciously like she'd done it before.

When did they become so close? When did he start to feel reassured by her touch? Echo tried to kill both Clarke and his sister, does that not matter to him anymore? Clarke knows all these things are trivial where they are now. Since they got back to space, there's been an unspoken agreement between everyone. What happened during their time on the ground doesn't matter here. Bringing that stuff up would only make things harder for all of them. Clarke never thought Bellamy would take it this seriously. It shouldn't bother her anyway.

Clarke turns on the tap for the small sink, and water begins to spit out with uneven pressure. She starts on the bowls, wetting them and clearing out the dried crumbs. She places them each in a row on a small drying rack that had been left over from the people that lived here before.

"Hey." Clarke hears the deep hum of Bellamy's voice behind her. She hadn't heard him come into the room. Her shoulders quickly relax when she notices it's him. He walks to the counter beside Clarke, leaning back on it to face the opposite wall.

"Hey." Clarke smiles up at him, continuing with her work on the dishes.

"How are you?" He asks nonchalantly.

"I'm fine." Clarke gives an awkward laugh.

"Sorry, I can't remember what it's like to make conversation that doesn't involve our lives being on the line." Bellamy crosses his arms over his chest, trying – and failing – to hide his smirk.

"Well, you've got five years to practice." Clarke teases as she finishes the last of the dishes, she drys her hands on a discarded cloth beside the sink. She leans back on the counter, mimicking Bellamy's posture.

"About what Murphy said…" Bellamy takes a moment to think about what he wants to say, the pause is awkward and obvious.

"He was just being, Murphy," Clarke says dismissively, like saying his name is enough of an explanation.

"Yeah." Bellamy nods, his brows furrowing like there's more he wants to say. Clarke waits for him to continue, "Still, I want you to know, nothing is going on between Echo and me."

Clarke can feel her cheeks go pink. "Bellamy it's none of my–"

He cuts her off. "No, I need to say this."

The words remind Clarke of before they'd come to the Ring. When Clarke was convinced she wasn't going to make it, that her mother's vision would come true, and she was going to die. It must jog Bellamy's memory too because he frowns slightly then turns to face her. Clarkes back against the counter and Bellamy in front of her.

"I wouldn't do that to you, Clarke. I know what she's done in the past, and I can't forget that. But I have to live with her for the next five years, and I'm trying to figure out how to do that without feeling so angry whenever she's in the same room as me." Bellamy confesses, the words spilling out of him.

"You don't owe me any explanations, Bellamy," Clarke confesses, feeling like she’s missing something.

"Don't I?" Bellamy asks as if there's more behind the words. He searches her eyes for understanding, but Clarke’s not sure she can find it.

Bellamy means more to her than she can comprehend. It's terrifying and reassuring all at once. Somehow it's chaotic but constant. Their relationship is complicated, but there's always been one solid fact that they will always protect each other. Even when Clarke had a gun pointed to his head back in the bunker. They won't _ever_ stop protecting each other.

Clarke opens her mouth; she's not sure what to say, but before anything can escape her, Raven opens the door to the kitchen. The moment between them dissolves as Bellamy steps back, putting distance between him and Clarke.

Raven eyes them for a moment, looking between the two with raised eyebrows. "We have a problem." Raven finally says, her voice is calm enough that the problem must not be too extreme.

"What is it?" Bellamy asks.

"Follow me." Both Clarke and Bellamy trail behind Raven to her station; when they get there, she points to the screen. "There," she says as if Clarke knows what she's looking at. Clarke can make out three empty loading bars that max out at one hundred percent, and they all flash zero. Clarke's eyes search the screen when she finally reads the label.

**FUEL RESERVES - EMPTY**

Clarke takes a deep breath; her heart sinks in her chest. "So, we have no way back to the ground?" Clarke grimly asks, praying that she's wrong.

Raven confirms Clarke's suspicions with a small nod.

"There's still fuel in the rocket, could that be enough?" Bellamy asks, his hands on his hips as he concentrates harder on the screen, as if the longer he looks at it the results change.

"I've run every test I can. There's just not enough." Raven insists like she'd been expecting the question.

"Well, we've got five years to figure it out," Bellamy says with little hope before exiting the room, leaving Clarke and Raven in a looming silence.

They're stranded in space with no access to new supplies, diminishing rations, no algae-farm, and no way back to the ground.

"We're screwed." Raven echoes Clarke's thoughts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments help motivate me, so do kudos! But I also appreciate you guys even taking the time to read my story! If you want to follow me on Tumblr my URL is theonlychoice.tumblt.com


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